


High Hopes

by HexZachlar



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Infinity Stone Soul World (Marvel), Letters, Love Letters, romanogers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:53:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27884068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HexZachlar/pseuds/HexZachlar
Summary: Natasha Romanoff can never recover from her trauma. She suffers the anguish and pain of his desperate days. One day, she decides to write a letter in order to shed these difficult days and all the secrets she has accumulated. This letter is for Steve Rogers to read. Just for him ...
Relationships: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov
Kudos: 7





	1. Letter

He told him to let it go. He wanted to go alone. He spun the wheels a few turns and swept through the automatic door. It was greeted as if a newly appointed president. The interest and sincerity of the people had collapsed like an avalanche.  
As he turned the wheel, a few people greeted the protagonist of their new life in the joy and freedom of victory celebrations. As a deluge of applause echoed in his greatness, he went on a journey towards a quiet place away from people. He was looking for peace but knew he wasn't going to rest. He even avoided his destination. He was now tired of indecision and disappointed with the pleasure that the victory could not deliver. The distress in which he could not identify grew as he approached the stairs.  
He stopped for a while in front of the first step. He waited for the silence to spread. There was nobody left anymore. Still, he looked to his left and right to make sure. All he could see was the black man watching him from behind the glass door. He didn't react at all and just walked around inside his room, for his uncomfortable cause. However, he did not mind being watched. What he was uncomfortable with was that people were so happy.  
Now was a time of sadness and a time to thank God. It was too early to be happy and to laugh. Now there must be mourning. He would wait like that. He waited like that.  
When he felt ready, he tried to stand up. The trembling was quickly controlled. It was painful and painful, as if he was in an endless earthquake and this earthquake was destroying everything. When he finally nailed his feet to the floor, he was completely out of the wheelchair. He didn't need it. He never needed it anyway. However, it was too early for some things. He had not yet fully recovered. That's why he took the first step with support from the wall. Climbing the stairs was as difficult as walking in a hurricane. Each step had to be hard and nail-like. In this way, he could reach it without much time. The steps rested constantly. Even though the broken big toe and bruises in the place of his leg made it difficult for him to walk, he was trying.  
As he moved slowly, his broken left shoulder kept aching in his body movement. He groaned with a little pain. But when he finished climbing the difficult and tiring stairs, he reached the corridor.  
When the tiredest man in the world came out into the hallway, he wobbled and fell, losing his balance. Pain climaxed in his broken parts, causing him to shed several tears. It was blushed. His whole body stiffened and he gritted his underbelly.  
Steve!  
It was the moment when all functional bodies stopped. Because he embraced this voice so that he would never forget it. He was stunned when he heard another default. His attitude, especially his voice, never had the sun behind him. When she looked at the woman, her white dress hit her face with the wind. He wondered if he was dreaming, but he cared neither dream nor reality. He stuck to the voice and smile that ended this longing. Thanks to this, he also smiled despite all his pain.  
"What are you doing on the floor? Okay nice tiles but ..."  
"I-I."  
"Come on, don't let our super soldier catch a cold!"  
She held out his hand. Steve Rogers, the most tired man in the world, suddenly forgot her fatigue and pain, grabbed the hand he was outstretched and stood up in surprise. Steve was this moment seeping into his eyes as he muttered a few sentences. Those eyes she had just met were so happy and hopeful that Steve could admit he looked stupid in his smile. He looked at her tall hair. He had always loved the yellowness on her ends.  
"I hope you have news." Steve shook her head to escape the spell and return to earth.  
"From what?"  
She grinned after that classic eye-rolling secant and tugged Steve to the front of his room.  
"Tomorrow is the big day! If I ignore that I was forced to say that like that."  
"What happened?"  
"Where did this habit of asking questions come from?"  
"I don't know. B-I'm just..." He started to feel dizzy. His thing seemed to be losing its reality.  
"Anyway. Tomorrow Tony's getting married, you know. That's why he brought his excitement to us. I'm starting to get unnecessary excitement. How about you, isn't that strange?"  
Steve grabbed head. "So ..."  
"By the way, it seems like an invitation to invite me. I'll go to the wedding just for that. I'm not Clint. We all know that he will attend the wedding for cake."  
He looked into the woman's eyes. She hadn't stopped smiling but now she never heard for Steve.  
"Are you okay?"  
"I'm-fine."  
"Okay then I'll show you the invitation. Until it's given to you, I have one in my room. You have to see."  
"I said I would give Steve's, but the gentleman wanted to give it his own hands. Will he bring your invitation from the wedding rush?"  
When the woman opened the door to her room, the wind blew with the window that was open. Many things started flying with the curtain. Steve couldn't keep track of the flying things through his eyes. He just saw that the envelope on the table had fallen to the floor.  
"I'll take it," he went inside, picked up the envelope on the floor and motioned for Steve to come in.  
When Steve stepped into the room, the scent she had scattered throughout the room filled his nose. Was that vanilla? He continued to sniff without any idea. She couldn't help thinking about the beauty of the scent for a few seconds.  
"Steve ..."  
When Steve opened his closed eyes, he studied his surroundings as if he was entering this room for the first time. As she scanned the surroundings with her eyes, the woman pushed the envelope in her hand. Steve glanced at the envelope in his hand.  
"I have to go."  
She approached the door. Steve called after him:  
"Where?"  
The woman reached the door and took a deep breath. A few tears ran down her cheek when she looked up and turned his pretty face to Steve. She smiled. Last time or not ... he remembered losing something at that moment, Steve. He remembered the end in that smile. That you will never see again.  
"See you in a minute."  
When the woman quickly left the room, Steve was left all alone. He thought of following her, but he was suddenly tired. The feeling of pain was also increasing. So he could not stand any longer and sat on the chair.  
She gave the envelope like that. It was a wedding invitation, but it was argued that it was a wedding invitation. Because it was a thick envelope and too old to be an invitation. It was as if a lot of paper had been squeezed inside.  
Before opening it, he examined the outside and saw the inscription behind it. Written in italics;  
The best of my hope, she was writed. This caught his attention. He was sure it was no longer a wedding invitation. He opened the envelope and turned out more paper than he could count.  
This was a letter.  
He took the paper and stared at the sunset before reading it. The sun reached out to the sea right in front of their houses. He just curled up, as the sun scattered his most beautiful red.  
These last days ... I feel nothing but pain and sorrow. While my sleepless nights are getting longer day by day ... I think of you. Aside from what I have lost, I grieve with the sadness of losing you slowly. You're dying quietly next to me and I ... can't do anything.  
Nothing I can do continues to tear you a little more from everything and leaves me with a great remorse. I always knew I was not ready for this, but I never expected that the day would come one day. Seeing you as someone who has lost everything drove me into a huge void. It must have been worse to you if I just look like nothing.  
But damn I do nothing but dig into your pain. I'm so ashamed that I hate living every day. Starting every day unhappy in the same way, sorry to see my face looking like shit, not being able to say good morning to anyone, not being able to respond to your forced smile because you are still thinking about us; not being able to help you, all of you; Most importantly, I hate to hurt you.  
Sorry, I wouldn't want to start my letter with such a reproach. I never wanted to remind you of the past. Maybe before reading this you promised yourself that I will forget my past. Do not forgive me! Please...  
Forgiveness! Do not forgive the woman who reminded you of those bad memories! Leave this letter where you're reading and let the wind take it away! So there will be nothing left to upset you anymore. If you say I will read, read it, but I do not dare to do so. Give up for once and go sleep peacefully! I know you need this. Maybe that was all you wanted. Peace and tranquility ...  
But you should know that there will only be a few pages of letters from a tired woman. And it's all about you and your pain.  
It's all about the years I've spent with you ...  
Steve gasped when he read the first page of the letter. His heart broke right there as his ribcage burned. He felt his shattered heart scattering into every part of his body, filling with the sensation of stinging down to his limbs.  
His hand relaxed and the papers scattered around the room in the wind. Then Steve became like a soul. The world stopped for him after this second, and time only allowed him to shed tears.  
The woman whose name she whispered "Natas-ha ..." was no longer there. As he felt the weight of living in a world without her, he sensed that he was falling into an endless void.  
"No..." He threw himself out of the room and looked around as if to go out into the hallway looking for her.  
She was not there. She was gone. She left him and left.  
Steve got down on his knees and started crying. While he was wailing, he looked at the window at the end of the corridor with the light illuminating half of his face. Something big - the object he could not identify - was approaching their house. Then everything went dark. That big object bombarded their home and everything disappeared.  
When Steve awoke from his terrible nightmare, he saw that he was curled up on the sofa. He was in deep thoughts on this chair last time. Then he must have slept with exhaustion.  
He straightened up from his lying position and wiped the tears from his cheek, leaned his head on the armchair and looked at the ceiling. He couldn't help swallowing when the nightmare he had just seen suddenly entered his mind.  
He wondered why he had such a nightmare as his eyes began to fill. Why had he seen it? Why was the last thing she said to him the same in his nightmare?  
Was it tested? Was God testing him? Or had he been in his nightmares because he could not get her out of his mind?  
Two tears slipped away as Steve didn't take his gaze off the ceiling, just like that.  
He buried two of his friends today, and what he went through was incredibly difficult. He didn't know what to think or do. What was he doing now but standing like nothingness?  
He stood up from the boredom that had gotten into him and went slowly to the bathroom. As soon as he saw himself in front of the mirror, he averted his eyes. Seeing his face was the last thing he wanted right now. Because when he looked at himself he saw not a victorious man, but a man who had lost everything.  
And Steve would never like that. To lose ...  
He left the sink without doing anything, and as he passed the dark hallway, his eyes shifted to the boxes in his new room. It was really hard to see them in that darkness, but somehow God made him see.  
He went inside. This house, which he was not a stranger to, was his place of residence until the Avengers building, which was destroyed by the war, was repaired.  
He leaned over the boxes and moved them to where the moonlight struck, and sat down. When she opened the first box, little accessories emerged from her previous room. A lot of stuff with the Captain America icon.  
When he opened the other box, he found an inverted frame. He did not want to see it right away, as he knew the photograph behind this frame very well. He waited for a while. He even thought not to look at all, but he wanted it. To see his family.  
Finally he could not stand it and saw his family when he took the frame and turned it over.  
himself; Scott, Raccoon, Nebula, Rhodey, Bruce, Thor, Clint, Tony and Natasha.  
This was the last photo they were taken before the war. It can even be called the first photo. It was a product of Thor insisting that we take pictures of them while still drinking. It was such a beautiful photo that everyone was full of hope. Especially she ...  
From the beginning, they have been full of hope since the day she lost. She always hides his sorrow from him, but Steve would still catch him. When he cried, he burned so much that he would say funny things to him - at least for a short time - to make her forget what happened. She was going to toss the last peanut butter sandwich into Steve's head.  
Steve smiled, letting the tears that he couldn't control. Then he was taken to the wall with the frame, and his eyes slowly closed as he stared at the photograph for a long time. The photograph of he pressing down on her chest and sleeping with him warmed him. He hugged them in endless solitude. He hadn't been able to hug her in five years, now he was hugging her.  
Bucky, coming out of the next room in the morning, was heartbroken when he saw Steve asleep leaning against the wall. He couldn't bear to see his friend so sad and helpless. After all, he lost the people he loved.  
"Steve!" He called to him.  
Not having a heavy sleep, Steve paused his eyes after a short while and looked at Bucky, who grabbed his shoulder and pinched.  
"Are you okay, buddy?"  
Steve pursed his lips and placed his saddest smile on his face and stood up.  
He was staring at the frame Steve held in his hand as Steve contemplated Bucky. Then when they met, Bucky sighed.  
"Yesterday," Steve turned his contemplative gaze into the frame and continued his speech with tears:  
"At night ... I had a dream."  
"We thought we won the war. People were already celebrating. But he destroyed our house. We lost-"  
"Steve,"  
He looked at Bucky.  
"We won. He lost."  
Bucky smiled when he looked. Steve responded as much as he could with his full eyes.  
"We won, buddy."  
Bucky hugged his friend.  
Steve buried his face on his friend's shoulder and cried.  
"I wish I was dead."  
"No ... no don't say that!"  
"They didn't deserve it."  
"I know I know..."  
Steve left Bucky and wiped his tears with the back of his hand.  
"Thank you, Buck!"  
"You are my friend. I'm always with you."  
Steve gave his friend a nice smile and looked at the frame in his hand for the last time and laid it on his bed.  
"I have to go!"  
Knowing where Steve was going, Bucky let her pass and went out of his way.  
"I feel lucky to know you, Tony."  
Steve thought it would be nice to tell him a few words while standing at Tony's grave.  
"I know I broke your heart. And I can't fix it ... I can only apologize to you. Sorry, Tony." He put his hand in his pocket and looked at the sky.  
"I wish I could hug you one last time. Maybe I wouldn't be a man full of regrets then."  
"I wish I had died instead of you."  
Steve smiled to himself as his eyes filled.  
"If you were here. You would say I lived a lot."  
"Actually, you are right. I lived without living. I lived so long that I saw everything. Even what I lost ..."  
He looked at the tombstone. His heart looked painfully at the letters engraved in stone.  
"Rest in peace, my friend."  
Steve let out a long breath and made his way to the grave beyond Tony's tomb.  
His steps had slowed down. He was suddenly the most tired man in the world. He remembered this feeling somewhere.  
When his heart began to beat, he stopped and sat on the grave, collapsing. The marble he sat on was colder than ever before. It trembled.  
When Steve sat on the marble, he couldn't look at the tombstone for a long time. He was playing with the soil he was digging.  
He started to cry. He was smiling as his tears flowed non-stop and his eyes were looking away from that name.  
"Maybe we chose the wrong professions- huh! What do you say?"  
When his eyes suddenly met that name, his dull gaze had literally dragged him into the void.  
A large drop accumulated in the fountain of the eye and suddenly fell to the ground.  
"This empty grave hurts me more when you're not here."  
Steve touched and loved the tombstone with his trembling fingers. He rubbed his fingers into the gaps in her engraved name and approached slowly and kissed the stone.  
"Today it has been 3 days since you passed away and I am burning with your longing every second."  
He closed his eyes tightly and asked for silence to occur. He felt more comfortable when everything was quiet.  
He released his eyes and let darkness dominate his body. So nothing would be real until he opened his eyes.  
And suddenly he felt a hand touch his shoulder. He opened his eyes and quickly turned around.  
"Na-Clint?"  
"Captain..."  
Steve wiped his tears together and stood up and let Clint pass. Steve left Clint, thinking it was better for him to be alone with her. As Steve left his grave, he thought to look back for the last time, but he did not dare and came out of the grave.  
He sailed into the sea, sat down on a log he found, and tried to recover. But that was impossible for the time being.  
He took a deep breath and looked towards the horizon. He did not take his eyes off the horizon for a long time.  
"Captain."  
Steve didn't look at the man sitting next to him. He was still looking at the horizon.  
"I thought you were going with the family."  
"It was, but..." could not speak.  
"If there was a way, I wouldn't stop here for a second."  
"Me too." Clint couldn't hold back tears..  
"I hate myself. I hate myself for not being able to save her."  
Steve turned his gaze to Clint and patted his back.  
"Don't! She's collecting our backs ... as we know." Steve smiled sadly.  
After a long sigh, Clint took the box he had placed beside him.  
When Steve looked at the box, it didn't take him long to guess what it was.  
Like the box given to Steve, her items were in this box.  
"They were able to save this much from among those ruins."  
When Clint opened the box, several special items were found. Even ballet shoes were inside the box. There was also a jukebox. The one with the dancing ballerina.  
Clint opened the jukebox and a beautiful, beautiful music muttered like a lullaby in the forest.  
Clint held an envelope in Steve's hand as Steve closed his eyes and listened to the music.  
The dream came to mind when Steve opened his eyes and looked at the envelope in his hand.  
"They brought the box to my house. She had personal belongings. And this envelope."  
"That's why I came here. This envelope is for you, Steve."  
As Steve examined the outside of the envelope, he saw the text written as Steve.  
Clint then quietly left Steve's side, and Steve was left alone in the woods with the envelope in his hand.  
Steve took a deep breath before opening the envelope and reading it. He thought it had to happen now. Thus, he would recognize her and the self he saw in her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone. I have translated this book into English. I wanted to translate Turkish, the original language of the book, into English. I wanted my foreign readers to read this. I hope you enjoy reading it. Sorry for typos or any inaccurate and incomprehensible sentences. My native language is not English. So I had to get help from translation.


	2. Ma'am. Hi!

I could not sleep tonight.   
Everything; So I'm trying to comprehend this situation we are in. It's just a dream - no no nightmare, I feel like I'm in a nightmare. When I wake up everything will pass; I just see it as an ordinary nightmare of this woman. However, what hopes would I pursue if I knew from the very beginning that nothing is not what I thought? Am I more than just a woman who deceives herself? Or someone else who looks sufficiently crushed because I portray a woman who is looking for ways of consolation because she is worn out and who is routed?  
While the stupidity that I try to make myself believe falls like a slap in my face, this thing that makes my every day illallah; drives me crazy While my human emotions disappear, the feeling of pain continues to remain in my body and rot me.  
I forget that I am a woman. The world is getting abstract. Everything is losing its meaning and this slow-moving time ages my soul.  
I can't even feel tired. It's just pain that I feel. This feeling erase; he does his best to keep me alive. The worse thing is; In order not to kill.  
It's as if I'm in a cage and I'm being tortured by someone I haven't seen. Maybe it blinded my eyes; that power. You won't see anything. While you are in pain, you will find the person you always dreamed of guilty. herself. Because you put yourself in this cage, you will say, and let it take your soul by wrapping death like salvation.  
The war I waged; this is now. Making death a meaning within the concept of freedom and watching time. As time goes by, it will surely take me away. Like a flood, a storm.  
If I ask if I am afraid; I'm scared One should be afraid, if the claw of death has ripped his heart out. I say he should be afraid because no fool who threw his pride has tasted success. I know they say cowardice is stupid. Maybe because I was trained like that; It was an expression engraved in my brain, but when the facts came out like the light of day, things got even more horrible.  
What is this thing but fear? Is it a brutality? Or is it the end of the world? No, these experiences are so strange that they cannot be regarded as similar to any expression. There is no blood, no brutality. Not everyone died so that the world would end.  
There was just... just silence. The silence makes my ears deaf. This is scary enough.  
It's like I'm left alone in the world. I experience freedom and mourning at the same time, and when nothing is the same as before, I just listen to the command to keep up with this new life.  
This is what he tried to kill me. Do not forget what happened, but continue! So you choose life, not death. It was the terrible nightmare of our new world. It all started with people accepting this situation one by one. In that case, I can't blame anyone, but why would one choose to give up when there is hope?  
Hope ... is there seriously? Or is it one of the motivating things in a necessary conversation?  
I wouldn't have lied if I said I was afraid to hope. Hope is so poisonous that it sometimes sends him to eternity rather than taking him from his deep depression. Hope is difficult. A person who does not know what to hope for will surely see that nothing has changed when he chooses to commit suicide. Hope is sometimes death. It enters people unannounced. It poisons it but doesn't make it feel. He is happy with this poison. Then he collapses slowly, and death takes him up before he leaves a way out. It is also cruel. He is such cunning.  
I'm afraid of it. Being captivated by its ...  
Oddly enough, I compare death and hope. I'm comparing it, but I know it's not exactly the same. Death will and will be a life necessity. There may be hope, and our life cycle, which is not certain it will happen. The basics are the same. It is the same, but very different. One end we need. There must be hope. Death too. I also want my hopes to come true. In my death.  
I want death, but I would never consider myself such a death. So; to die desperately in a breakdown. Perhaps dying must be the thing you will be most proud of in your life in my philosophy.  
Not because they teach like that; Because I want it that way. To die while protecting or saving the world; I don't want anything else right now. I know I'm thirsty for victory and I can do anything. Yet the old me; she would never say these. Yet the old me; would have escaped death. I have changed a lot. I understand even though I don't say this every day. I have changed a lot. I came out as a completely different person from the life I built on the philosophy of killing and living.  
Save and live!  
The two basic qualities of a good and capable person. Just the things that are brought about by my life-changing milestones and that make me me.  
I would like to say that I'm at peace, but I,  
I couldn't sleep tonight-  
Like all other nights.   
The bed I lay on has now become one of my thinking spaces beyond its purpose. It is the best place for long and silent nights; Now, this is my desk in the room I'm sitting on, maybe I spend most of the night here and I wake up here all night.  
What am I thinking? What am I doing? Why am I here?  
I know the answers to all these questions, but I cannot accept it. It's like looking at a blank wall.  
An empty and endless time.  
Why is a life that everyone wants is now the worst thing in the world? Why does what we want turns into what we don't want when it happens? Isn't that human nature anyway? Always dreaming. Only this. Whether it happens or not. All he wants is to dream. Because then a happy person. Then they can get what wants.  
And I stopped dreaming years ago or was let go. I had never felt its absence. Now, how strange it seems to me that I need this foreign thing. For a normal person, someone who does not like to dream or who says I do not dream, he feels this feeling somewhere. Is it a disadvantage or an advantage? I don't know, but even though I haven't searched for the lack of this feeling before, I am now.  
I think how I can get it. Sometimes I enjoy this thing I do. Because I need something to hold onto something. I need to waste time and reach the end. Although my biggest dream is for everything to return to normal, this dream is just to waste time; to reach my death wish a half ago.  
It would be nice to die.  
So would end. Of pain, tiredness, emptiness ...  
I have always been in this dilemma these days. To die now and then die. Here is death; now or later. I will definitely taste this, right? Actually, what I have to think about is: how my death will be.  
Here, in the place where the calm and the darkness are the most horrifying, any day when I experience defeat all over again, in pain and sorrow, the burning tears from my sleepless eyes burned my skin and I scream for death instead of falling down on me like a nightmare of despair and giving my last breath; I hope to close my eyes forever against the most beautiful view in the endless sky with a smile that resembles no joy in my face and my face is falling to the ground.  
And when the heavy burden is completely off my shoulders, I will feel light as a feather.  
Not much I want but I should know It is necessary to endure these bad days to reach those good days.  
The word that once a brave soldier gave me hope; it haunts me now.  
And I try to stand by this word and not lose hope with this word. But it's hard so hard.  
Everything is so hard; the things that I used to be, the things I experienced flew away like a bird from my memories and they wait for my thoughts to change on a tree branch to be remembered.  
Now, the question marks that keep turning in my mind; As I spend time looking for answers to all of them, I realize that time still does not pass.  
Aside from the fact that everything seems to be in vain, I see that hope is gradually running out.  
I'm just drowning in silent thoughts against prompts to go on with your life. I think I lost my voice. I haven't spoken in a long time and it's been a while since I haven't seen a human face.  
While living a solitary life in this huge mansion, every day is longer than the previous day. Time is getting wider and he's struggling to get high.  
That woman who accepted to live in eternal solitude between the thick walls built on it and knew that this bitter reality exists; now she is waiting for something from her pen, which he timidly holds in her hand.  
I'm waiting for something to happen.  
Maybe; ridiculous things that somebody will walk in through this door and shout that have found something ...  
Don't I notice I'm running out? I'm hungry for a hope?  
As my eyes close slowly, I jump to my feet with a twitch. Even this gives me hope.  
What does not give hope? Can I say one thing that doesn't give me hope?  
Actually yes.  
Even the feeling I have after the things I hope will not work for anything does not lead me to despair, but there is one thing; then doomsday breaks out in my world.  
I don't know why but this thing hurts me and poisons me with loneliness. It's like I'm left naked. Calmness clings to my throat and burns my lungs as I breathe.  
How correct is it to describe here this unnecessary pain that I have experienced; I don't know when people like me are trying to find solutions, but if this thing continues to stay inside me, regret will take over my body.  
I could not waste this moment of pouring out when I had found something to write my hopes and pains in the same place.  
I think it is my right to know what this meaningless world means.  
I think it would be a good farewell to know myself.  
Think of it like a farewell letter.  
A letter in which I will discover how and what to write to myself.  
Where should I start; I don't know after this sudden decision.   
And now I realize that I started using the word you. You emerge slowly and seek your identity.  
Like me; But if you are reading this letter, you know well to whom I am writing.  
Actually, you always knew because you were the one who left me and attached me to you.  
That day; Maybe I should have told you not to go on that day, which is no different from the days when the same things happened. I should have said I need you, but that day, when you were already gone, I went back to my bed desperately and I imagined it over and over again how you pulled away.  
You weren't staying here for long; Instead of looking for a solution to those we lost like me, you went into the thoughts and hearts of those who remained and said what I had always heard.  
"Go on!"  
So people started to enjoy this life and forget everything. Of course, there were those who did not forget, but you touched the lives of so many people and forgot me.  
Ahh- yes! Now I'm speaking more clearly and understandably, and as you read this, I just wish you didn't feel so sorry for this woman because we both realized it was too late for everything, right?  
We know how I lost you and how you just looked into my eyes and said to me for this cause.  
Am I being too selfish?  
This question is early, isn't it? It's too early to write this, and it is one of the greatest pleasures I've heard to make you notice this as your puzzled eyes hover over the text.  
How could I be so bad now I don't know. What I wanted to talk about was actually our good memories in bad things, but I have already forgotten the good things. It is getting harder to remember them now.  
All I know is that you are yours in every moment.  
In this case, it's a little bit of your fault because I never did anything but attach to you because you were the one who never left me.  
Forgive me!  
But I can't stop myself. My head is so filled with you that I want to take it out and write on this letter.  
I know, no matter how much I hope, there is no solution! We can't go back anymore. But it's a good opportunity to start over.  
I am caught between you and all these lived things, but I want you to know that I will not leave me as you left me and continue my life.  
Even if I die here and go, I will not give up on my case. Think of this thing I'm telling you about as an activity that only fills my spare time.  
So I'm not thinking about you and wasting time here. I'm just writing my memories, what happened with you.  
Because you take up a lot of space in my head and make me sick, my friend.  
Sorry.  
Sorry. That is not me. I'm really sorry.  
This is what we lived through drove me crazy. I don't even know what I'm saying.  
You saw how hypocritical I was. Please if you're reading, let go of this letter and see no more of my bad side!  
I am ashamed.  
How can I think like that? How can I be so selfish?  
How can I talk badly about you when you try to help people.  
Sorry.  
All I wanted was just wasn't there. Your hug was a speech of relief that told me everything would pass.  
I don't want too much just be with me!  
Be with me as before!  
Give me hope but don't let go!  
Don't let me get cold!  
It is very cold. It's like I'm wrapped in a dead body, but I can't leave that dead body - the mansion. It's colder outside, I know.  
Maybe it's hot, but everywhere I've been is cold, stranger to me.  
Nowhere is hot!  
Nothing is hot!   
Nowhere is as hot as your bosom!  
Never as hot as our meeting on that day!  
Do you remember that day? Our meeting after a long time.  
It was a beautiful Christmas. The people of Hungary left their homes to celebrate 2017; people filled the historical streets. There were so many people out that night; I was planning to have a drink in a bar that could leave home comfortably for a nice getaway.  
I left the house. This time I was not afraid that someone would catch me. I was comfortable; I felt like that. It was as if I was living today to take the pain out of the old days. The indifference really encouraged me and I said no matter what.  
I was kind of fed up; because until now, I could not hear from you nor live a comfortable life.  
I was faced with the sad side of being alone with my loneliness in fear of catching me at any moment.  
But I didn't care today. I do not know why. In fact, the thought that it would be better if they put me in jail devoured me in those days.  
I felt a great feeling of emptiness as I came face to face with a foreign woman in front of the mirror every day.  
I changed myself so much that my character was gradually changing. Serious and angry construction has disappeared; The feelings of a 40-year-old cancer woman swept through my body.  
Isn't it like me now? While the things we experience are the same, our goals and characters are completely different.  
You saw this You know.  
Perhaps you; you were always spending time with different women. With the woman who changed with time ...   
That woman is dead. That woman changed and died. Maybe because of you. And now I am She's a completely different woman. I'm not dead but that doesn't mean I won't die.  
But you should know that you can no longer change me with your words, your thoughts, your look. Maybe the old me would change, but I won't. Only hopes change me.  
Hope with me since 2017 only changes me.  
See, did you see? It was not difficult to understand. You not me. My hopes change. It changes my hopes with you.  
That day was also hope; today too.  
Everything started that day. Wasn't that day even though we were before, my heart pounding like crazy?  
Wasn't it that day when my hopes started poisoning me?  
That day; that night I mingled with people. Even if I didn't care, nobody could see me. I walked into a bar and drank a good wine. I still lifted my glass and laughed that night. It wasn't a real smile, but my dear wanted to laugh like that; All the difficulties I had had started to sound funny now.  
It was considered the last minutes for New Year's Eve when I came out of the bar laughing. The night was decorated that day. Christmas lights illuminated the houses, the street, the city.  
People were happy. He was really laughing and having fun. Although their lives were full of secrets, pain, and distress, they were really laughing.  
So why couldn't I laugh? I was also full of secrets, pain and boredom. Why wasn't I laughing?  
It was a simple question, isn't it?  
Very simple.  
Damn, it's simple.  
I haven't a family; let it be because I don't even have a person to talk to?  
Is it solitude that really kills people the most? Or is it our loneliness within people?  
I kept my way home with these thoughts. I was walking towards the house, leaving the fun behind me and the counted seconds moaning the streets.  
20 seconds.  
What will happen in 20 seconds?  
Will everything be different from other passing seconds?  
15 seconds.  
What do I say goodbye to; if i live the same every day?  
10  
It's such a number as I count my steps.  
9  
If I say I'm going to have a good sleep in my bed now; who understands that cold.  
8  
It's a cold night.  
7  
Very cold.  
6  
Tightly wrapped in my coat; I covered my hair.  
5  
My darkness, darkness.  
4  
I'm shadow even at night, to the ground.  
3  
I'm scared.  
2  
I wish the doomsday would come.  
1  
Boom!  
Here the hell broke out. People are shouting. The sky is splitting.  
Do not be afraid of the apocalypse; The sky is splitting colorfully so that people won't be scared. Blasting, lights. It spreads all over the place.  
Doomsday strikes. And I'm worried about going home I watch the apocalypse with my head up to the sky.  
Then boom! It just broke.  
I hit you. I can't explain what kind of shock I was before I realized I hit you.  
Hitting his big body shook me. I woke up, almost.  
And before my eyes met your eyes I thought about how I had become careless.  
Then thinking was a lie, of course.  
I can't forget those blues.  
I saw them and forgot it was night and felt like I was by the beach during the day.  
It sparkled. In the black in the middle, the sky seemed to be exploding with fireworks and it was a deep blue sea all around.  
The sea and fireworks slowly blurred.  
Were you crying  
Was I crying?  
From happiness.  
Yes, from happiness.  
Your pink lips tightened. The most beautiful smile was the first spark that warmed me.  
The voices stopped and the stillness covered all.  
"Ma'am."  
I smiled. I really smiled.  
Now, a warm tear ran down my cheek.  
"Hi!"  
A great dejavu.  
The longing I did not feel that night suddenly hit my heart like crazy. I'm filled with longing. I'm filled with longing every step you approached.  
After waiting for a while, the big body hugged me. I was at home now. I was in my cozy house.  
My house had a beating heart. It was very beautiful.  
I was not cold anymore. There was no longer feeling cold.  
And it was the beginning of everything. My hopes ...  
How did you poison me?  
How did I get caught, by your magic.  
Am I regretful?  
No.  
Even if I knew I would. Because nothing but you is an antidote to me.  
Now, just be with me!  
As before!  
Do not hug but be with.


	3. Longing

"I'm with you now."  
If they asked about a night I will never forget, it would be tonight. Because I could not live by feeling and remembering that day. But today when I remember that night, I feel better than I did that day.  
These are what keeps me up. Our good and bad memories with you. Perhaps it was that day I remember most clearly. That day when I slept comfortably after a long break.  
As my eyes were closing slowly, you said that you are beside me but still far away, next to me now. It was like you understood my condition. You would understand. You get it.  
How tired I was, how exhausted I was.  
So why don't you understand me now? Don't you know I'm worse than those days?  
Are you running  
From what? Of me  
Why did you give me hope if you don't even look at me when I say goodbye? Why did you let you be with me? If you were going away, why were you with me first?  
We are not offended, we are silent. Like everyone else? No. Our silence to each other seems to be evident when we look into our eyes. Do you know what's in your eyes? Maybe you've noticed when you look into my eyes.  
The state of our forever loss. And you cannot bear to lose. That's why you look away your eyes so many times. You don't look at my face anymore. You are looking but not like you.  
You're not looking like your hopeful, joyful mood that night.  
Your blue eyes don't shine like that night. Now it is so dim that instead of the blues, that is, instead of that bright sky, it is black as if covered with dark clouds.  
If you were in this mansion while writing this letter, I wouldn't stop for a second, I would give you a slap. But it's not because you don't talk to me don't look at me; Because you're not the old one.  
These actions are not just for me; changed for everyone. Hopeless, helpless. And you were our most hopeful person. If you are like this, how much is our state.  
We are finished. Even though death does not occur officially, we are actually dead. We all.  
You say continue. Do you do No, you don't know. You can't. If you did, you'd be the old you. If you did, I could see those eyes.  
Others do. Thanks to you. But we don't, Steve. We never did. We got so stuck; When we look at each other in our past, we remember the past.  
Is not it?  
The happiness we lost, the love, the family ...  
If you were here, I would slap you once more and hug you tight. And I would never leave you again. But right now, I would do that if you were right now. Come tomorrow, come another time. I can not do! I can not do!  
Steve, I can't do this to you if you don't want to. If you want to live like this so you don't want it, I still can't.  
You know, there is something in my heart. Actually, there is a lot. This is something that has happened recently.  
You came here again one day and went to your room without a sound. You took your shower. I'm listening to you right outside the door.  
You cry And you know how you cry? It is as if someone is crushing my heart. That's how it hurts to cry. My throat is getting knotted.  
Sitting in that hallway, I tried hard not to come in. Even if I go inside, I erase the tears flowing from those beautiful eyes one by one. Put a warm kiss on your cheek, and like you said years ago:  
"I'm with you now!" I would say.  
I could not. Sorry. I am so sorry.  
Maybe it was entirely my fault you were like that. Because without me you were alone Even though there were a lot of people around you, you were alone. You needed someone to understand you.  
That was me. But I was not there for you either. I am always waiting for your first step. But you are so tired and exhausted that you are not ready to take that step!  
Here I am angry with you, but I am responsible for everything. It's all because of me.  
This unnecessary tribune is again due to me. You have no fault. Your only crime:  
I'll say something, but I'm still afraid. I'm afraid to upset you who are reading this letter right now.  
But if I don't say; It will not be the purpose of me writing this.  
But I mean. I'm just afraid of you. Because I, I ...  
I love you.  
This is your fault.  
That you make me fall in love with yourself  
Steve Rogers, I love you so much; I stay away from you for you. In order not to be even more sad.  
I hope this letter does not reach you. I hope it's gone. I hope you are not reading. Because I hate to upset you.  
Don't be sad please. Don't pity me just say I love you too but it's friendly. Love me as your friend! I am not someone who deserves to be loved, but if you do, love as a friend. Don't worry yourself.  
If I'm not alive while reading this, don't upset dear Steve!  
I'm happy. So at least I'm happy to know you. I am happy to love you.  
If you are happy too, thank you for getting to know me. You are a good man. You deserve to be happy. If we won, will you smile now? May everyone see the sparkle of those eyes. Let them see that man full of hope. I see it, but not now. I will see if I live. But if you are reading this I am dead.   
Don't worry yourself, Steve!  
Death is not a bad thing at all. It's just a bad thing to die every day.  
I was dying every day. To really die one day would never hurt me.  
If I am not alive while reading this then I would like to call you this way.  
My darling.  
Somehow I don't like this word but I don't care about anything right now.  
I like it now.  
My darling.  
The most that a woman in love wants to say. This is the sweetest saying of pain.  
My darling.  
Not just a word.  
Like a whistle. Like the whistle of a sad song.  
My love, if only you knew my longing for you. You are with me sometimes but then you are too far away.  
I want to hold your hands. I want to go under your warm bosom and sleep.  
I want a lot but I want to kiss those lips once only once.  
I kissed once but I wasn't in love with you back then. I want to kiss you when I'm in love with you. One time. Not much.  
But not in this mansion either. Time we earn. If I live and kiss you? You will be surprised, very surprised.  
Better not do anything, darling. So my love for you will remain a secret with this letter. Our little secret.  
You read it and it's done. You will forget. You will get used to my absence. Once in a while I will come to your mind and say that this woman loves me and you will forget it again. This is just my secret. He will go to earth with me. It will not just go out of your mind, but it will come out of neither my mind nor my heart, darling.  
As you come and go to this mansion again, this secret will come to your mind. So much.  
If you will remember me, remember as a good friend. Do not remember but forget like a secret lover. Do not forget my love for you, darling.  
Don't be sad!  
I keep saying like this but I'm scared, darling. I'm afraid to upset you. I wonder if I never wrote it. Something that will stay inside me at that time, darling. Even if my tongue is silent, my hand cannot stop writing.  
I can't sit still looking forward to your arrival. I have to pour my heart out, darling.  
I have to tell you. I have to tell you what you did to me.  
Do you know what you did to me? You did not leave me bind to yourself. You made me a good woman. You made me me.  
That is why I love you.  
I will all love.  
I have high hopes, darling.  
You are always inside. My hopes are always you. You, my heart eye. You are my everything.  
I love you. Even though I never told you this, I love you.  
I miss you, darling.  
Come quickly, will you? Look away from me again, but come! I'm longing for you.  
Even if you don't come, I'll wait for you. Even if it will last forever.


	4. Goodnight

Hello darling, unfortunately today I was shaken by a news that tormented me. How could I say? But then I saw that a person can change when he loses his loved one. I could see this in myself when I looked in the mirror. I have lost loved ones and I will not lose you slowly.  
At least I was used to it, but he must have found no reason to live when he lost his beloved woman and children. I even thought he was going to commit suicide, but it was so sad to see him return to my old self in order to get revenge or somehow relieve his pain.  
I also lost Clint. While I could not hear from him, I suddenly came face to face with such a fact that he turned into a murderer. I could not talk to him.  
He cannot continue either quietly, in an accustomed manner.  
You can't either, but worse is telling them to continue. I don't know, it's like this folly.  
Don't get me wrong, darling, but even a human being can make you suffer. In this case, I am also foolish because not being able to explain everything to you, saying darling when it does not make sense, what else is stupidity?  
You will never learn, darling, until this letter reaches you.  
That day, I don't know how you will feel today as you read the letter. Maybe I want to be able to say (me, too), but I see that you are not in a position to worry about this. I don't want you to love me anyway, darling.  
I'm happy to love you, but it's not even about you. I could never force you to be the person you don't want to be. I can only do it, stay friends with you. Whether my heart is against it. I have no right to upset anyone.  
Even if I am hurting you now, it is because I am dead. I say everything to make you sad that I die, not that I fall in love with you. Because it will be too late and you will be saved from me.  
This is not a bad thing. It's not a bad thing to get rid of me, darling. I died loving you, but if I were alive, I would fall into indecision and perhaps confess everything to you while I was alive and confuse you. The bond between us would be severed. I didn't want that.  
So if you're learning now, don't worry. I know that if I tell you while I am alive, you will have a reluctant acceptance to me so as not to offend me. You are a big-hearted person who does not offend people, but you would get it wrong even though I did not want you to be mine. That's why. That's why I confess to you after I die.  
Please don't be mad at me. Do not fall into an indecision. I am a friend to you, let's remain the man I love for me. Don't think otherwise! Let your heart and your thoughts not be unstable. Don't let these articles change you! Because then I lost you.  
I loved you for being you. Not because you love me  
So let's still stay friends. I don't want to feel ashamed when we meet one day. I don't want to see you changed.  
I just want to hug you and see hope in your eyes. Maybe that's what I want most for you.  
Right now there is nothing but pain in your eyes. I'm the one who looks worse than you, but you're the one who burns the most.  
If I can't see it while I'm alive, let this letter see this. I hope you are the person I want to be right now. So; you are happy and full of hope.  
Oh darling, where did I fall for you and get so messed up? My thoughts like you didn't take my heart are all you How did I love you so much? I don't even believe in love, how did I fall in love with you?  
Believe, I don't know.  
It means that this is love, being able to love for free. I think this feeling keeps me alive.  
I'm standing because my hopes are you so I can't find a reason to fall.  
Anyway ... I don't talk too much. Otherwise I'll be here in the morning. I hope you can sleep. Good night if you can sleep.  
I will be here waiting for you in my loneliness again. Maybe you come and I can say good night to you. Thus, only one day of a day that does not have a good night actually has a good night for each other.  
Goodnight Sweetheart.


	5. Long Time

It's been a long time.  
It has been a long time since I wrote here.  
The years are passing, darling. And I would like to state that I am still filled with hope in a twig of stir. If you know how much my joy surprises people, even in the most irrelevant thing to victory.  
It's been pretty long since you went. I haven't seen you in a few months. Actually, I got used to it, but I shouldn't know. What if I can't see you again.  
You come right?  
Come okay?  
I need a shoulder. Not to recline, but just to feel its presence and imagine myself leaning on that shoulder. Because you know, I never leaned on that shoulder. I don't know what this feeling is like, but it's better to dream than to come true.  
While you are dreaming, you have all your feelings inside, but when it happens, you actually feel only peace.  
I know how.  
If I don't know what you will make me live. Maybe excitement, maybe pain ... I don't know anything when it comes to you.  
Because when you were so close to me you were so far away, as if it was a forbidden apple I wanted to reach. An impossibility I dare not taste.  
You know what I want. All of our friendships die, and nothing remains but regret. You can't even look into my eyes even though I'm to blame  
You weren't coming or you would go for good now. And every time we meet, you salute as if nothing happened. Do you know how this will hurt me?  
You know.  
But don't know. Don't care what I'm going to feel, darling. I am so worthless that even you being a good person hurts me.  
That you can smile despite everything ... they don't make me happy, darling. Because everything is fake. Everything.  
I'm not talking about your goodness. I'm talking about our falling into this situation.  
Silence and indifference are killing me.  
I wish I could come across and shout. Not that I love you, but to be true to me.  
So that you can cry and pour out in front of me.  
Why are you holding it inside, everything? You know we were friends? Friends aren't for these days, darling?  
Let me understand you better let you believe that I understand you.  
Believe me.  
Believe me, darling.  
I am the best person to understand your pain.  
I am the person who loves you the most.  
I hate that you learn this now. If only everything were different. If you knew I loved you, but long ago. That's the problem, even I didn't know that I loved you.  
It was too late. It was too late when I realized that I loved you. I was already late when I accepted you as a friend.  
If I could turn back time and tell you the truth with all sincerity.  
It's too late now.  
Very...  
It hurts. To lose, to lose you. How many times will I lose?  
Tell me!  
How does it feel to learn while reading these? Is it painful? Regret?  
He doesn't want you to feel these. Also feel sorry for me. Everything happened and finished.  
I have always lived this life with wishes. As I die, maybe I will die thinking of you. By dreaming of you.  
If there is any aftermath, I'll be waiting for you again It is not difficult to wait. Because you are in the concept of waiting. Everything you are is not difficult. It's a little painful but good.  
It's like being able to overcome obstacles and love you in all circumstances. To love you with my everlasting love.  
This is so peaceful. Thinking of you.  
To dream of you at some point wherever I look. Dreaming of the real smile you gave me or the tears you shed.  
To think of you watching me in a corner of my dark room while trying to sleep. To feel snuggled behind me and hugged me while working at my desk. To think that I was lying on his chest on the couch and hugging him tightly. I'm messing with your hair To dream that I touch all parts of your face, body. To put a little kiss on those pink lips. To be able to admire your blue eyes.  
Tears of happiness that I want. What I want is your breath I want to hear. Your looks that trapped me inside Being able to sleep by hugging you.  
Sleep. I really want to sleep. I want to be able to sleep without feeling cold in the arms of the man I love.  
Do I want the impossible?  
My love, my hopes are running out. My hopes for you are slowly dying and I desire you more.  
It was like a poison at first, but now it's a killing antidote.  
It's killing me to imagine you this close. Because none of them will be true.  
It wasn't.  
Steve, you're the one who killed me and took me out of hell.  
Please come.  
The further you get, the more I want you and I can't stop it. But I don't want to stop. Because a moment when I don't think about you will be so painful to me.  
My body used to pain cannot live without you. I will die, understand.  
So come and save me. Without knowing.  
Be my hero! Let me fall in love with you again, the man I admire.  
I need you  
Please.  
Knock on my door!  
If you knock on my door, I'll know it's you. Because no one else comes to my side. They didn't come, but you always left.   
Don't go anymore! Do not go!  
We do not have time. Looks like there is but no, darling. One day one of us will receive the news of one of our deaths and everything will be too late. Come before it's too late.  
Save me from myself!  
Please. It's been a long time, I know.  
With each passing day, hopes die ...  
But my hope never quite ran out of you.  
Because you are the best of my hopes. You are my hope.  
My only hope.  
Come and save me from myself!


	6. My Hero

I wanted to laugh. Looking at what I wrote. Ever since I called you my darling, everything has been like a young girl's hand.  
It's like a stupid lover's diary.  
But I want you to know. My only love that I keep in my heart When I was a stupid lover, the words I explained with maturity always remained the same.  
The past years were not just a search I wanted to see you, but put aside love, everything was my effort to save myself from hell. I don't wait for you, I don't want to see you for once, it was a liberation effort. Don't think my love for you has waned.  
I still love you and think I am mature enough to accept this situation.  
This is the valid reason why I no longer wait for you. That's why, darling, you find me crying in the mansion.  
If I knew you were coming and cried at that moment, I would wipe my tears but not anymore, darling.  
I don't know if this is reckless, but I don't understand what and why I'm hiding it anymore. This sometimes leads to the thought of whether to confess to you or not, but always ends up being determined not to tell you.  
So keep your heart fresh! The place where you will learn the facts is in the letter I wrote to you.  
There will never be before and after. Whatever happens right now, it will be over! Then what I wrote will disappear like me. Our memories will remain, to be remembered.  
To leave a nice smile.  
Wherever you are reading what I have written, if the sun is still there, I want you to look there and smile. Because I am waiting to win in order to experience this peace. I will do so if I live. I will look into the horizon and leave a smile.  
If I'm dead, will you do it for me?  
Thank you from now. My kind hearted darling. I love you. Very.  
I admire you so much for your good intentions, your heart, everything. Sometimes I just can't stand someone like me to love you.  
Yes, we had already closed these issues. The past ... but I can't. I can't forget what kind of person I was in my previous life.  
That's why I can't forgive myself. I have very, very big debts that I broke all my heart and took away their right to life. How does this turn off?  
Tell me, darling.  
When will I be clean?  
What have I been struggling for years. It's a way to bring them back. If I find it, my conscience will be relieved. If I can't find it, I will end this life with regrets.  
I was thinking that, until a few days, but then something happened.  
I saw today that endless eternity is an end. Years had passed and one day I was going to give up, but today God, whom I now believed, saw all of my hopes. The efforts I have put into it.  
You came today, the best of my hope. And then all my hopes knocked on the door one by one.  
Someone we thought we were lost comes up with new hope.  
By saying that we can fix everything, he instilled new hope in our tired bodies.  
I know how to be fooled by hope, so when I saw you like that, did I say? Could this be real?  
Can they really come back? All that we lost and you  
I was winning you today when you were my biggest loss. I felt it, I know.  
For a light flashed in his eyes and called out to me;  
Yes, we will win.  
Your dead body was reborn, and I was falling in love with you once again. Love bloomed with hopes, in my heart. Poison, I know but what should I do? If the poison that doesn't kill me keeps me alive, the only thing I can do is take that poison.  
Yes, I will die if the result is bad, but it's worth it. It is definitely worth it.  
I die believing in love that I will die of lovelessness.  
I know it's too early. Hoping and anticipating ... but who cares if there is a possibility that this might not happen when you haven't found a way until now.  
We'll be the hurt again. Is it something we've never tasted? I'm not afraid. Whatever the outcome, I will do my best.  
I will taste glory or pain. We just have to try, okay?  
Otherwise, we will be drawn back to eternity and return to soulless bodies that expect hope from someone.  
What were we until this time?  
We were the ones waiting until this time. If not, we will wait without confidence anymore. This makes victory impossible.  
Darling, don't be desperate Maybe it will make you worse, but there is no way to deal with despair.  
I've tried. When I'm running away from everything. And it was one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made.  
Do not be like that! ..  
I did it, you don't!  
You know what happened in these five years. Why am I writing this? But my hand is not going here. As I write as in the first days, my writing does not come.  
So these will be the last pages. Because that's all I can tell. Actually, I do not miss a single detail that I have lived with you, but I can't help but write more.  
I had quit writing months ago. Now I wasn't thinking of writing, but when a new hope blossomed, my heart said to me; I think the end is approaching.  
I can feel it. That we will win.  
I can't tell how happy I am.  
I hope this happiness doesn't make me do things I don't want.   
Like telling you everything.  
Yes, I said I wouldn't, but I never trust myself, even as much as you do.  
I was so surprised that the years when you said I trust you now didn't know each other, but it didn't take me long to realize that you were a very good person, a very pure person. Thus, hidden sparks started to form.  
I didn't even realize that my heart was broken when you told me to stay friends while my heart held on to you while I thought I was flirting with you.  
Since we were friends, I thought that watching you be happy with someone might make me happy. Even though I pushed a few people to a few people, there were nights when I thought it was wrong for me to do this and went crazy.  
Somehow I was also thrown. I thought I could forget you so I didn't even realize I still felt something for you.  
I tried to love someone else. It even worked. I loved and forgot about you, but then when he left, I closed my heart.  
I said this is what I have to do. Turn it off as it used to be. For whatever reason I became a love fool, anyway.  
And our paths fall apart as my years pass by you. I don't stand against you ... it could have been the hardest years for me.  
Then you got lost anyway, I got lost. I had gone through a lot that year and I really felt awful. I have lost things, and those years too. But first you were. The person I lost was you.  
Even though I know you lived, you were my biggest loss. I wished you were with me so much that a year later, when we met on New Year's Eve, I felt something against you.  
First time.  
Because I needed someone. You.  
And it happened. I'm in love with you.  
In a year we spent secretly together, my love for you grew stronger and stronger.  
It finally got me into these articles. Because I felt my heart would explode with excitement, after our great defeat.  
The sadness we experienced when my head was already full enough made me sick. I decided to write everything down here.  
Although I didn't want you to be mine, I did. Okay? I wanted you so much. On the days you came to the mansion, I wanted to be able to sleep with you and hug you. To touch you.  
But you were my friend.  
You were too many friends of mine to fix this problem.  
I would hope anything. Even to win. But I never hoped you would be mine.  
But now I am.  
Damn I am now.  
I want you so much  
There is something I wish that I wouldn't do anything wrong anymore. I am I wish to die.  
If I die, this special bond will not break between us, be sure!  
But now I am in two personalities. One side of me wants you and the other side resists it.  
Every single day we gather our team, and one minute we try to plan, I look forward to being yours.  
On the day when we finally find a way to fix everything, I hope to finish the letter with my growing desire without hurting myself further.  
If I continue to write, the hope I instill in myself will ruin us all.  
I have talked too much about hope. Hope, hope ..  
I had high hopes, darling. Like the sky you fit into your eyes ...  
Impossible and beautiful.  
Didn't it all start with the combination of the two? Isn't love established in this order anyway? Isn't every love impossible to himself? Ours too, isn't it?  
Aren't you my impossibility?  
You are. And I like impossibility. Like my hopes come true one day ...  
I do not dream. I just hope. So I don't hurt anyone. I learned my lesson. And you have been my best experience, darling.  
You have become my everything. My tears, my smile, my heartbeat, I've always been you. Became you.  
That's why we've never been.  
I don't know if I should be sorry for this. I just think that if I weren't that close, we wouldn't have gone this far from each other.  
Your skin that I couldn't memorize when I was so close to you thought it was a fire that hurts me. So touching each other was like death. It's not really about touching, it's about living in you. To see you with my eyes, to be able to hear your voice with my ears, to smell with my nose, to be able to touch your skin with my skin. That was my battle. Just to be yours. Being yours unannounced. To be put in your bosom saying maybe I was cold. That was my goal. That was my hopes.  
This is my last night.  
Tonight is the last ... if tonight doesn't happen I won't want to be yours again. If it's us and you and me tonight, you will never read this letter, darling.  
But if you're reading right now, don't worry about anything. Because when you read this letter I don't know if you feel sorry for me or if you are full of wishes. So don't be upset. Because it's not worth feeling sorry for someone who hasn't learned you yet.  
This is my last night, because after I finish the letter, there is something that I do or not do before I go on duty tomorrow.  
Come to your room and tell you everything.  
Or that you learn everything in this letter.  
If you're reading right now, don't be really upset! Then I made my decision.  
No, I can't be yours. You aren't mine too.   
It's not impossible, but you know. For the sake of what we have experienced, only this letter remains for you.  
I'm heavy on you. Make sure it is heavier and harder than anything else written here.  
You can't bear me.  
Even though you know me well, you cannot bear it because you do not know my love for you.  
Everything is for the sake of both of us. If something happens to me tomorrow, I don't want you to be very upset when this letter reaches you.  
And don't be sad that I'm writing my last sentences. I've spoken enough. You put up with me more than necessary.  
So thank you.  
For everything.  
Thank you darling.  
For teaching me love in this life. Goodness. Peace of mind.  
Here I leave everything behind, even though I have regrets. Even if I take my punishment, I will. No problem.  
No problem.  
I'm really happy.  
To love you.  
To always love you.  
I love you, Rogers.  
Take care OK?  
The world still need the to you.  
My hero... 

-Natasha


	7. More Than Friend

Someone coughed right now, someone laughed, someone cried, someone was sleeping; someone thinks about the woman/the man loves; someone is screaming, someone is eating. The earth rotates, the sun sets to rise the next day, the leaves are carried by the wind and will never be in their old place. Some of them will go away making a noise like the rustle they make. Here I go.  
I will never be where I am but there will be something I left behind. I just need someone to know this. Someone who sees me, knows me. Someone who can take care of me. If he has -40 years to live in the world, I don't know how many seconds he spent in him to watch me, to listen to me, to love me.  
Am I proud of this? No, how did he embarrass me when I had no right to steal anyone's split second. It took him how many seconds each time he said my name. Has he ever thought? He doesn't care much when the lines written are for him. Not at all.  
What I care about ... is not even how he can look up at that sunset now. Just space.  
A pain in his heart and the silence he hears, as well as being able to hear all the sounds in the world. What is that like?  
Even words are juxtaposed meaninglessly. Thoughts disappear. So what will happen in a minute, what will he do? Fate will command him what to do.  
God is watching. He is waiting with the patience he created. He knows but he's waiting. So does Steve. He knows what to do but is waiting.  
What is he doing now, before he does what he knows to do?  
It digests being loved, can it be? Can he regret it? Why is that? Why would he feel this feeling? He has no idea about anything. Of nothing.  
He never expected to be loved. Maybe he waited in the 40s, but never at this time. Someone, especially someone special in your life.  
He never thought. This possibility. This feeling.  
So what is he doing now, but evil? It is a great evil not to understand someone's love. It is a great evil.  
How can he deal with this?  
Regret arises. He cannot allow this. Because she didn't want him to feel that way. Perhaps the woman kept saying she didn't want every bit of emotion she would feel today.  
Do not be sad! Do not regret! Don't say I wish! Don't try to understand the love you didn't try to understand right now! Don't respond! Do not be sad! Do not be sad! .. She is happy, she is happy ..  
Now she wants to see a man full of hope. Do what you want! Respect her love so do but don't talk about it any more! Keep it just a good friend!  
Steve would almost think it was raining, if he didn't feel the tears, which in one minute he didn't feel those tears running down. All of them sprinkled on those writings. His hands trembled when he noticed this. The letters shivered to the point of slipping away, but they claimed. He claimed her love.  
Knowing that her love is not just what is written. Love is everywhere. Anywhere you want to feel.  
It just needs to be; a bond. It's a context. This letter provided that. This letter is perhaps the best thing to describe love.  
But hope. As if there was no such concept and it emerged from here. Writings in which each word sprouts with hope and follows one after another ...  
So what happened now? Everything went quiet. It was as if the sea lying in front of him was shaking as Steve read the letter from beginning to end, and now he seemed to have a calm. But the wind. He appeared out of nowhere and swept the ground forward. As if taking all his troubles away from him.  
Wasn't it that way? This is what both hearts felt, in the present or any moment after that. The moment when all troubles are gone Everyone's first time after learning everything everyone has to learn. Peace, happiness, sadness, pain ... when all the emotions are together, the only thing felt is the numbness filling the void.  
Tears pain, heartbreak sadness, peace of watching life going on and the head he lifts, the horizon he sees, the happiness of the unique beauty of the sunset that follows.  
This is what a hopeful man does. The fact that he looks with hope at the first moment after reading the letter with the expression of the emotions he cannot feel while feeling numbness.  
What more can you say? This 5-minute moment can live more like how many years it took. Of course he will get up and go, sleep, eat, do whatever worldly work he has, and then suddenly the letter will come to his mind.  
Will he leave a smile or regret?  
He doesn't even know what to feel what will happen, but he thinks about the moments he will live. Two seconds is doing the next.  
What do I do now, he says?  
How will I stand this?  
It shouldn't be so painful to digest a death. A death shouldn't be that complicated.  
Noise and silence, pain and happiness, love and hate, regret and peace ... things that are opposite to each other should not be experienced at the same time. But it is happening. It is alive and it bothers him.  
And it turns to what is left of her.  
The ballet shoes were orphaned, the ballerina on the music box could not stand any longer and was broken and destroyed. Everything remained missing and damaged in some way.  
Just like Steve. He is very incomplete and injured right now.  
Yeah, he had to forget. That woman had to do as she said, but she can't. He's the only one on his mind since losing her before the letter anyway.  
Even if he didn't read that letter, she was always in his mind. It just made a little more sense now.  
Maybe Steve liked her too. Who knows? He was the only one she had thought of since he lost her. But he couldn't say that directly because he loved it.  
Still, its loss this letter revealed the love he could not make sense of. How will he know this? How will he be sure of this?  
Now his brain was about to burn. However, what he had to do was act with his heart, not with his brain. Then he could find the answer.  
What will happen if it finds it? He just lost her. He can no longer come back. He's gone forever.  
Now will Steve be able to say how we won the war?  
Couldn't say. It was a time when everyone who knew this, everyone who suffered this loss, was silent to death and hid their feelings. It was where most people finished saying we won but couldn't finish it in their heart. You know, if somebody came out and said we lost, then they will say yes and they will say yes, but the silence that came with joys also closed this notebook.  
People started to have fun and celebrations like crazy. Because somehow she brought everyone back. Was Steve the only one to actually lose?  
This question would always remain unanswered. Because somehow even now, someone continues to give their last breath. Everyone will experience absolute death one day, but will never be forgotten in untimely deaths.  
Nor could he call it timeless. He just didn't expect it at all. He felt as if he was going to spend a lifetime with her, or he did not fit the thought of death. Even when he said goodbye to her, he never had bad thoughts.  
Perhaps the woman had given hope in secret; He could not forget her saying see you soon. Her smile, especially her hopeful gaze. If she knew she would win then she would scream for victory. But she died not knowing that they would win.  
This is now hurt, Steve. She died unknowingly. Not knowing what you've won.  
If only he could say, we won, but he couldn't even tell his lifeless body when his soul had already reached where it was supposed to, what he had won.  
It's just an empty grave. Said an empty tomb. Is this what a hero deserves? At least if he can bring her body back, he will have seen the value she deserves.  
After the memorial ceremony, the graves of both were visited. Everyone was there. Even Tony's body in a coffin. But she was not there. As if nothing ever existed. That day, yesterday, after leaving the cemetery, when he returned home, he felt as if nothing was missing. He tried to forget that woman's absence. Maybe he did because yesterday everything was normal for him. Until the memories and dreams that remind him.  
He realized that no matter what he did. Whether he erases his memory or goes to therapy. He would never forget her. He didn't want it anyway. He never wanted to forget her.  
Steve maybe wasn't aware of it. Because that woman was always with him, but I think he always thought about her. He was always thinking of her after he trusted her and started working closer with her.  
Yes, it was hard for him to admit, but it was real. He just wanted to be closed back then. To friendship, to love, to a family. He wanted to focus on his mission, his work because he had experienced these before and suffered what no one had experienced. Seeing the old age of loved ones, when you have a life with them, everything sucks. When the things he hoped did not come true, he too became desperate for love.  
He was right in his own right, but he would no longer face such a problem. Although he knew this, he was scared. Of losing. But then he forgot that feeling. When you have a family. When they have friends.  
He wanted to open to love so that. He tried to love, but that didn't happen either. Because now he understood that there was always someone in his heart and he never understood it.  
Isn't it a pity?  
He loved her. A lot indeed. His heart slowly opened as it was all this late. While his thoughts were digesting what was happening, his heart now began to understand, yes this man slowly cried out the truth.  
But it's too late. Very.  
Ah! .. the colors were fading somehow, right in front of his eyes. The world was being condemned to darkness. And it was coming out one by one, the stars from where they've always been. The moon was half today. It would be complete in a few days.  
In one way or another, everything was changing. Life was going on.  
What's the pain of Steve !? How many people have the world witnessed losing their loved ones, who knows? Steve's was one of the ordinary losses to the world.  
The world also reminds this. Only the loser knows the pain. If it is not someone else's loss, we cannot say that nobody has lost.  
In fact, only a few lost that day of the war. Yet the universe was the first to lose. Now think about it, how many trillion lives did. He got his loved one.  
You need to think about it. So the pain subsides a little more, and Steve becomes a little more proud of him love.  
He's proud but has no idea what to do next. It feels like it can't fit into this world.  
It has to do something and walk away. There are still stones waiting to be returned. It should take them back to where they were.  
He has to do this tomorrow.  
But ... then what will he do next?  
He can't go back and continue his life! He cannot do this even if he wants to.  
He goes crazy here. This is not where it belongs, anymore. Maybe nowhere. Other than wanting to be with her right now. It does not belong anywhere.  
Maybe it should go to the past. It is a place where he should live, not really here. There is a life he must live if he did not get caught in that ice.  
It must continue, somehow. But he should do this in the past, not in the future.  
Can he? Can he forget it? Can he go back to his first love?  
God! He has no idea! Never.  
Steve rose up in a moment that he didn't even understand. By taking the woman's belongings. He returned home with the letter he held tightly in his hand.  
He spoke at length with his friend Bucky. He said he would go on duty tomorrow. He said he could be a companion, friend, but Steve had made a decision, now.  
Told. He won't be back. That you will try to live in the past. Bucky greeted Steve with sympathy after sentences like maybe I'll go to Peggy. He understood and respected him. He thought he was right.  
They spent a lot of time, as tomorrow is the last day. They talked about the old. They could laugh that Steve never thought he was going to laugh, but then life went on. And forgetting was not as difficult as it seemed.  
Steve could not sleep that night. It started a new day with a few hours of nap. Before noon he was prepared for that mission.  
Sam had come to see him off and greet him again, unaware of everything. Bruce was also there. He was the one who would send him back anyway. Bucky was looking at his friend for the last time, knowing everything.  
After a good farewell, he picked up the bag with the stones and the hammer needed to be dropped, and heard Bruce's last seconds.  
Farewell, world. Goodbye.  
It quickly came to the 70s with transitions between dimensions after being small. He replaced his first stone, the space stone. Then he left the reality stone with the hammer to Asgard. Then he handed over the time stone to the wise woman. He left the mind stone back to where it had taken. After traveling to 2014 and dropping the power stone back to the temple, he used the particle again to go to Vormir.  
When he suddenly found himself on a cold and dark planet, he inevitably got startled and felt that here somewhere in him. He looked up at the sky blended with the hue of purple.  
It was a lonely and mysterious place. It had an unusually fantastic size. It was full of sadness, almost.  
After walking for a long time on the sand, he went up the hill. The cold was making itself felt more and more.  
He looked around. Nobody seemed to exist. Neither did the flying black chador Clint mentioned. He didn't even know where to drop the stone.  
He continued walking. He was seeing the abyss. Did she jump out of there? It was very high, but. In a few seconds she must have been very hurt. Her soul must have come out of his body in pain.  
Once again, Steve pulled into the abyss, crying. He wanted to look at her lifeless body on the ground. He wanted to see her for the last time.  
He approached timidly, to the bottom. He slowly bowed his head and looked at her. More precisely, he couldn't look because he didn't exist. She had no body there.  
"Steve. Sarah's son." His brow furrowed, Steve's. He turned to the voice behind him and, as he took the position of attack, he encountered that familiar face.  
"Red skull !?" What was he doing here? He was dead. It had disappeared.  
"The person you are looking for is not here." The grim reaper image made him scary. He approached with his flying black cloak.  
"Where is Natasha?"  
"She belongs here now!"  
"Her soul must be like that, but her body. Where is she?" He asked harshly.  
"She's not here right now."  
"What do you mean? Is she alive?"  
"No! .. She's dead. Her soul is a part of here now. Even the most important part. You can't take her back." Steve removed the soul stone and handed it to the Red skull.  
"I want a trade."  
"This is impossible."  
"You're lying!" Shouted Steve.  
"No! There is no room for human feelings other than love here." Steve looked at the soul stone in his hand. The orange stone was glowing.  
"You want to take her back, but you are too mortal to understand things here. The body is a big obstacle to it. Everything is hidden in the soul."  
"What do you mean? Do I have to die so I can reach her?"  
"Even if you die, it won't help. Her soul is very precious. Nobody can take her back. The spirit world is full of mysteries."  
"Spirit world?"  
"If you want to go there." He looked at the stone. "You have to sacrifice."  
"How am I going to get there?"  
"You have to die, but not a simple death. You can do this by jumping off that cliff, in the center of the vital cycle."  
"Why should I believe you?"  
"You have no other choice." Steve closed his eyes and went into deep thought. This place was full of strange and incredible things. The red skull might have been telling the truth, but even if he went to her after she died, he wouldn't be able to get her back. That wasn't possible anyway. They would be dead after all. Dead.  
It was the beginning of an irreversible eternity. Even dying meant suicide. He couldn't do that.  
"You'll be in the stone. If you do."  
"Why are you helping me?"  
"This is not help. I am just a guide."  
"So what, aren't you going to get anything?"  
"Nothing for now, but after the exchange I should have been free. The curse is not broken."  
"Who cursed you?"  
"I don't know. I can't see them. We can't see them, but they have plans for us. It's not a coincidence that you came here. There's a reason I'm not still free."  
"So I can save her."  
"I didn't say anything like that."  
"What will I do?" He couldn't leave the stone here and go back. Strange things were happening. Maybe a hope. Hope to get her back.  
"The weather is nice for me. I'm here forever. I can wait for you."  
"When I give the stone why can't I get her back?"  
"I cannot answer that. If you want to know the answers, go there!"  
"Will I be able to go back?"  
"Let them decide."  
Them? Them? Who are they? What do they want? What is the mystery of this stone? Where is his size? How will he find the answers to these questions? By dying? Can he be saved?  
He was very confused so he spent a long time thinking. He sat on a rock and thought for hours.  
"Whatever it takes!" He muttered. He looked at the abyss from where he was sitting. The sound of the wind chilled the scenery in front of him.  
"If you want to go to her, you have to really love her. Sacrifice comes with love." She was waiting patiently at the edge of the cliff, her red skull.  
"What if I can't return." Steve said to himself.  
"The decision is yours. You can either jump in or go back home. If you give up-"  
"This is crazy!" Steve shouted. Jumping, even dying. Perhaps everything would have been in vain and he would have committed suicide.  
He opened his palm to look at the stone in his hand. The stone was shining.  
Why was this stone so mysterious? It was not like the others. What power did he have? He lost her because of this stone.  
"My God." He closed his eyes and stood up. He crept towards the abyss. A memory came to mind with every step he took. He memories with her. He heard her voice. He saw her smile. Your eyes. He hoped to see her green eyes, but oddly enough, her eyes were orange in color.  
Steve opened his eyes and continued walking. He looked at the stone in his hand as tears ran from his eyes, again.  
"Forgive me, God! Forgive me! I'm going on a path of no return. Maybe the result will not be good at all, but I have no choice but to try. Let's not take her back. I don't know, a feeling maybe. I just want to go to her. To be with her." . He looked up at the view. His eyes changed color as he squeezed the stone in his hand. When her irises began to turn orange, she was at the foot of the abyss. He closed his eyes.  
"What do you want me to be?" He heard Natasha's voice. He had heard this sentence before. But this time he would give a different answer.  
"The woman I love." The stone in his hand began to shine so brightly that Steve could not understand the light that caught his eye, but he still closed his eyes tightly.  
Yes, the stone wanted sacrifice to love, but love was his strongest bond. Love was the strongest context between the two worlds.  
So the combination of body and soul was not a problem for the stone. The spiral clouds in the sky began to spin while Steve was about to jump.  
When Steve jumped the cloud swiftly descended right above it. Steve carried the cloud body before it hit the ground. When Steve realized he wasn't falling, he opened his eyes in surprise. Seeing that he was slowly pulled up into the sky, he took off on the stone in his hand and reached the sky before Steve.  
The stone stopped in the middle of the helix and shined more and more. Almost the planet would turn orange. As this light caught Steve's eyes, the stone began to crack. At the same time, he was breaking from his lines on the ground where he jumped. When the round ground collapsed, the stone broke and fragments were scattered around. As the clouds quickly dispersed, the cloud that carried Steve dispersed, and Steve looked down in fear. He screamed as he began to fall rapidly from a height. It was heading towards the dark where it fell, because there was no such thing as the ground.  
He closed his eyes when it fell into darkness. There had to be ground somewhere and it would crash in seconds. It was going to be a bad death, but now it was worth it.  
While still falling, he suddenly fell on the ground. He was a little hurt from the sharp fall, but he was surprised if he felt terrible pain or not. When he looked up from the ground, he saw a piece of wood with that woman's name in front of him.  
He stood off the ground in fear and looked at the ground. Then around. Everywhere but everywhere was filled with the hue of orange. It was an endless plain, here. The ground was foggy and covered with water to foot level.  
He turned around to see if there was anyone, but there was nobody.  
Or was he dead? Was this the spirit world? What was her grave doing here? He fell to the ground and sat on his knees and stood at her grave.  
"This tomb is not empty."  
This was her voice. He turned in fear, behind her. At that moment a white dress stroked his face.  
"Natasha?"  
Her red hair was longer. Her face was different. Her skin was shining. It was almost like a goddess. She was very angelic.  
"Here you are," he said as he cried. He touched her feet to see if it was real. He could feel her skin. He could feel it. He looked up at Natasha's face and smiled.  
"You live."  
He hugged her legs in an instant and continued to cry. As he cried with joy, the woman took a few steps back to leave his. Steve could not understand the woman who broke with him and looked down at him, still on his knees.  
"No! .." She looked at the grave, sadly. "I'm dead now. At least for the world world."  
"How did I feel about you then? I .." He didn't know what to say in the rest of the sentence. He didn't understand what was happening right now. Was he dead? Was it in a dream? He had no idea.  
"Don't worry! You're not dead."  
"How did I get here then?"  
"With high hopes."  
"I love you," Steve said in his shaking voice.  
"The letter opened your eyes." Steve shook his head. Yes, it opened his eyes.  
"Please come back!" Natasha smiled and shook her head to the negative.  
"I'm sorry. I'd love to go back, but now I belong here."  
"How can I save you, darling?" Steve said. He was begging, trying to find a cure.  
"You came here to see me for the last time, not to save me." Steve didn't want to believe it.  
"I want you to be happy."  
"I can't be happy without you," he said, shouting.  
"So you will forget about me."  
"I will never forget you, never." He burst into tears.  
"Yes, you will forget. Here, my love for you..." She looked into Steve's pocket. "That letter."  
Steve took out the letter from his pocket and shook his head.  
"I'll never forget you, the letter. I can't."  
"But I can make you do it. Forget everything and be happy."  
Natasha extended her hand to the letter, as if she had special powers. The letter flew out of Steve's hand and the pages were scattered all over the place. They disappeared the moment they came into contact with water. Natasha smiled, as Steve watched in surprise.  
"No no!" He tried to search for the letters but they didn't exist. They were gone. Steve threw himself over the ground as he cried more. He started digging the ground with his hands.  
"No, no. You are here. You live. I can save you. I can save you." He tried to reach the coffin or his body while piercing the earth with his hands like crazy, but Natasha hugged his back and held it tight.  
Steve paused and gasped as he watched the tears run over the ground.  
"If I knew you were going to suffer this pain. I didn't write that letter."  
"You gave me hope," he said painfully.  
"Sorry."  
"I gave you hope," he said as his eyes widened.  
"Steve .." Steve turned to Natasha and put her face in his hands. He looked longer than the last time, all over his face. He looked especially into his eyes. Two drops of tears trickled from her green eyes. Steve wiped those tears away and smiled.  
He came closer and kissed him on his lips. When they parted, they put their foreheads together and spoke the words:  
"I love you."  
After looking at each other for a long time, Steve wincedly asked:  
"Will I forget you?"  
"You will remember before the letter. You will remember putting the stones in. You will remember that you left the soul stone and left."  
"It didn't happen like that."  
"You will remember me as a friend. Sometimes I will, but as a good friend. So you will not suffer. You will live your life."  
"I don't want it," he said pleadingly. "I don't want it, darling."  
"Close your eyes!" Steve turned it off even if he didn't want to, and the woman kissed him goodbye.  
Then a light caught his eyes, and then darkness fell. When he opened his eyes, his travel costume disappeared and saw that he was wearing the military uniform he wore in the 40s.  
He had handed back all the stones and completed his mission. He had gone over to Peggy, as he had told Bucky. He was in front of Peggy's house now and was taking the first steps of the beginning of a life with the woman he loved.  
He entered the garden and saw a toy lying on the ground as he paced along the paved road. He stooped down and took the toy. The toy was a very little ballerina.  
While smiling Steve put the toy in his pocket. If he got on his way and came across him at his new beginning, it was a sign. And at that moment he decided that he would keep this toy until the end of his life.  
Steve stood in the doorway and, after exhaling, knocked on the door. After that, you already know.  
He lived a happy life throughout his life. And after years of old age, he gave Sam his shield. After Sam thanked both in surprise and happiness, Steve went to visit Natasha's grave for the first time in years. He sat at her grave.  
"Maybe we picked the wrong professions huh!?" He said and smiled.  
"But now I know our right professions. I am a painter and you too .." He put his hand in his pocket. He took out the toy he had kept for years. He put his ballerina on the tombstone. "Being a ballerina would suit you very well."  
Steve started laughing. "Actually, I watched you dance one day. You were dancing in your ballet shoes in the middle of the mansion, and you didn't even notice me. I thought that was the right thing at that moment, how to tell. So, if we were ordinary people you could be a ballerina. You could have a family. You could have a good life. . " When two drops of tears came from his eyes, he took a napkin from his pocket and started wiping it.  
"But if you were here you would say to me, you are my family anyway. That's right, you said. You, I. We are family, and nothing can change that."  
Steve has come a long way from the graveyard. As always, he has come a long way to reach another end. That's what he has always done in his life. To proceed. Though the road was thorny, it had to end it.  
Of course, old Steve needed some rest. He'd better get some rest under the big plane tree in the middle of the cemetery. He did so. He rested.


End file.
